Wednesday, June 8, 2011

You love him, but you're not in love


You love him, but you're not in love...
Even if you sometimes find yourself thinking about him, you remember that there is a reason you broke up. Sure, you still have feelings for your former flame, but he is not the one making your blood boil anymore. Congrats on your ability to move on. You realize that your ex was an important part of your life, but that he belongs exactly where is right now-in your past.

Oblivious It's hard to know.
And hurts to feel.
Alone and lost.
And not quite real.
Because without you,
I'm without me.
And, God, I love you.
But you can't see.
The things I do,
To show I care.
To give advice.
Though it makes my heart tear.
To hear about girls,
Who make your eyes hazy.
... And then, there's me...
It's making me crazy!
I want to scream
And bang and yell.
"I LOVE YOU!",
But I'll never tell
Because we're friends
And friends we'll be
From start to end.
I just wish you loved me...

as a tear rolls slowly
down my cheek
I think about better days
and wonder if I'll feel that way again
you look at me
with those eyes I know so well
always serious, so deep and insightful
as though you're always in control
But not today
not now
Now you look so scared
like for once you don't have the answer
I gaze at you
looking deep into those hazel eyes
Hoping to understand
why you've said those things you did
I wonder for a moment
if this is all a dream
if I shall wake in the morning
and be relieved
you look at me
with a confusion I have never seen
slowly pull me towards you
and wipe the tears from my cheek
You would think by now,
I would know my way around,
I shouldn't miss you so badly,
I should be on familiar ground.
How many more lonely years, must meander by,
until I learn the lesson, it does no good to cry.
What manner of iron will, must some people possess,
to be always looking forward, to never accept regress.
Perhaps if I was willing, to let someone take me by the hand,
they could show me a happy place, in this unfamiliar land.
Perhaps I'm only homesick, for all the joys that once were mine,
I must accept that they and you, belong to another place and time.
But I know that deep within my heart, there's a place where only you reside,
and when the pain of loneliness comes, it knows that is where I hide.
So if sometimes it seems to you, I'm clinging to the past,
it's mostly because I can't yet accept, that our love didn't last.
No matter how hard I try, I've yet to get over you,
for the part of me that's still alive, believes you love me too.
Maybe there will come a day, when that part will finally die,
and feeling strong with a heart reborn, a new love I will finally try.
And what a splendid day that will be, when I awaken to discover,
I'm happily learning a great new land, with a great new friend and lover.

At night
At night I lay and think of you hoping my wishes and dreams come true
At night I wonder can this be the end is this all that's left
At night I wish we could go to the way things were
At night I lay and cry about the things that happened and how it all ended
At night I lay and think of us, I mean you and I
At night I realize there's no more us
At night I dream of us together again
At night I wish for us to be together again
But in the morning I realize it was all
At Night
As we lay there quiet
I was reminded of all the reasons why I lust you
Your smile,
and the way it teased at me seductively
Your laugh,
and the way it tempted me
Your eyes,
and the way they seem to hypnotize me

As we sat there silent
I was reminded of all the reasons why I love you
Your smile,
and the way it brings such life into me
Your laugh,
and the way it makes everything okay
Your eyes,
and the way them seems to read my thoughts

As we stand here now
I am reminded of all the reasons why I hate you
Your smile,
and the way it confuses me
Your laugh,
and the way it seems to mock me
Your eyes,
and the way they can look into mine and not feel a thing
I face the world with a smile, no one knows what is hid inside.
They see only happiness, they cant see the tears I've cried.
When I am alone I hurt, because here I do it well.
In front of all the watchful eyes my heaven turns to hell.
The judge and jury awaits me, everyone has a say.
In a life that hangs suspended for yet another day.
Who are they to judge if what I have done is right or wrong?
In the end I gave him up, but inside still sing his song.
I don't know how to find the strength I thought I had.
If only I could play tough it wouldn't be so bad.
They say that life goes on and someday I'll smile again.
But, how do they know my pain without being where I've been?
I've traveled so far from home, and can't find my way back.
Somewhere along the way I must have jumped the track.
I saw him just today and his smile is still the same.
He looked at me so sweetly, but never spoke my name.
I wonder if he remembers me, It hasn't been that long.
He may have forgotten me, but I still sing his song.

It's becoming more evident
Much more obvious to me
I thought much more of you
Than you ever thought of me

Was this my biggest mistake
Letting myself think you cared
Was I just your marionette
With heartstrings open and bared

With me left here still thinking
What was false, what was true
So puzzling and so complex
I’m left to await another clue

On my heartstings you played
Each left with a loving memory
Yet I still have those questions
Do you ever think about me

I’m wondering why all the intrigue
Now why all of this mystery
Why am I left here hanging
Your the one that holds the key.
They had been together for many a year,
Now all she can feel is fear.
She gave all that she could give,
It just wasn't the way he wanted to live.

He left without a backward glance,
Not even giving their love a chance.
She often wonders what she could have done,
To keep him from going on the run.

Now she is living all alone,
With nothing she can call her own.
She can barely make herself eat,
Wondering if her life will again be complete.

This woman is now moving along,
Building her courage, and becoming strong.
Time will heal her broken pride,
Toward the sunrise her heart will glide.

It's gone
What's gone? My mind?
Soul? No, I'm fine
Not really
Deep inside, something is missing
The love and tender kissing
She walked out herself
Now all I do is talk to myself
in the mirror, with my reflection
My heart is dead
Soon it will make a resurrection
Once the wounds heal
And I'm loved for real
A type of love I can feel
But nobody loves me
Nobody cares
Nobody loves me
That nobody is me
I can't love myself because no one does
I'm all alone and no longer what I once was
But the only thing that keeps me alive
Is knowing that the next day, it might all change
For the best
And that "nobody" becomes somebody
Inside my sleeve, I pull out my heart,
handing it to you, "careful it's fragile,
and easily falls apart."

Extending your arms, you take the heart in
your tender warm hands.
It falls into a million shattered pieces - on
the floor it lands.

You begin to bend down to pick it up, sorrow and
sadness in your eyes.

Apologies are not enough.

Looking at you with tears in my eyes,
I ask you not to pick up the pieces of a heart
that has fallen apart.

I am the one who needs to pick up the pieces of
my shattered heart - one by one, piece by piece.

I need to put it together again, some how. some way.

Each piece of my heart has a memory so true.
Each piece of my heart has part of you.

You are the one who is leaving to start a new lease on life.
I'll just be here on my knees picking up the pieces of a
heart that feels like it's being pierced with a knife.

All my tears won't keep you near
All my tears won't mend what's not here.

Again I look at you with a whisper in my voice,
The only way my heart will mend and finally be complete,
is if you and I can come together without being discreet.
You see, what we have here and today, helps me face the
world, with a love for you that gives a glow -
but now, my darling, you made a choice.

My heart is on this floor, shattered and broke.
With each piece I pick up -
I need to learn to let go.
You came into my life
As quickly as you left.
You grabbed a cutting knife
And sliced right through my breast.

You didn't mean to hurt
But what did you expect?

My heart now cut in two
It feels beyond repair.
Injury done by you
God, life just isn't fair.

You didn't mean to hurt
But what did you expect?

So here we are, just friends,
But I long to be more.
Desire with no end
Throbbing from my core.

You didn't mean to hurt
But what did you expect?
I've learned a lot of lessons
In the short time I have lived
I've learned how to appreciate
And I've learned how to give.

But in these past few months
There's two I'll remember most
I've learned how to love
And I've learned to let go.

You entered my life with such a force
And left it with one as strong
And though we tried to make it last
We both knew it wouldn't be long.

I lie at night and think about
How I'm the one to blame.
If only I would have trusted you,
I could have missed this pain.

And so I spent each day of my life
With my heart in pieces
And when I thought it could never be cured,
Something happened; I expected it least.

I guess my soul was all cried out,
And it was tired of being used.
And even though I know I'm guilty,
I was tired of being accused.

And so I've learned to end this
Without an urge to cry
These are my final words to you,
"I love you and goodbye."
You'll never know
How much I loved you,
How much I cared.

You'll never know
About my pain,
About my broken heart.

You'll never know
How much I cried,
Just lying on my bed
And thinking of you . . .
kissing her.
I will never forget the days we once had
The days when you were everything to me
My mind used to tell me we'd be together forever
But now I realize that was all a big dream
The feelings I have for you will never go
I wish I could take back that one regretful day
The day when I willingly let you slide from my arms
Never did I think of the astonishing pain of regrets
That I would once have to live through
The sight of you in someone else's arms
Makes my heart shatter into a million pieces
I sometimes wonder if you still think of me
Or if to you, I'm just a face in the crowd
I wish so very much that one day we can have it all back
But for now, I'll sit here silently
Remembering all the memories we once shared
Everyday my love grows much stronger
Hoping that one day you will feel the same
And put back the pieces of my broken heart.

Words of wisdom
come to my ears,
Telling me what I know in my heart,
But never wanted to hear.

With the truth finally said
and out in the open for me to plainly see,
I wonder why I can love so deeply
but never had that love returned back to me.

I confessed the feelings
that I held inside for so long,
But with his soft- hearted rejection,
I realize I have to be strong.

With tears that want to flow
from my eyes,
I feel that my heart,
along with my composure, slowly dies.

While this dramatic side is showing through
with my ability to question and reason,
I think I may have found
something in me that I can believe in.

Love hurts . . .
That's what they all say,
But I will love again
when all this pain and sorrow goes away.

So I sit and think of all the things
this situation has cost,
And I realize that nothing
very important has been lost.

Instead, a learning experience
has come from all this.
I've learned that hardly anything
is more important than my happiness.
You forgive me for liking you too much,
And I'll forgive you for not liking me enough.

You forgive me for missing you so,
And I'll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,
And I'll forgive you for not hearing it.

You forgive me for playing your games,
And I'll forgive you for toying with my emotions.

You forgive me for finding you so attractive,
And I'll forgive you for not noticing.

You forgive me for raising you up so high,
And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you,
And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic,
And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for not being able to let go,
And I'll forgive you for never having latched on.

You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,
And I'll forgive you for crushing them.

Forgiveness brings inner peace.
Do we have a deal?
I keep waiting for the phone to ring
Yet I know it won't be you;
I try to fill my life with busyness
Yet all I do is think of you.

What became of us
And all our dreams and plans;
How could you turn and walk away
As I watched our castles turn to sand?

Do you never even miss me
Don't you long to caress my face;
How could you forget so easily
And You I can't erase?

I want to be in your arms again
To see the laughter in your eyes;
But I guess the joke's on me
And Oh! Was I surprised!

How could he choose her over me?
What does she have that I don't?
It's funny how he choose her, when we were supposed to Be.

But I guess I realized that we weren't meant to be on that New Year's Eve.
She took his heart, made it turn from me.
How could he choose her over me?
There once was a time if I just closed my eyes,
I could see us together as one.
But after these years of growing apart,
I can see that dream is done.
You were the one who knew me inside and out,
And always knew just what to say.
Any problems I had would disappear,
When you said it would all be okay.
There was always a special connection with us,
And these days it seems to be gone.
Whatever we had died a long time ago,
But it's just so hard to move on.
Those times I'd drown in the blue of your eyes,
You never noticed a thing.
There were nights I laid awake and thought,
Of the love our friendship could bring.
No matter how hard I've been trying,
The truth is so hard to see.
I guess it takes a while to let go,
Of something not meant to be.


Sleepless, dreamless, hopeless nights,
I wish for you to come.
To fill my eyes with tears of happiness,
and take away this glum.

I wish for you to put your hands around me,
and make me cozy and warm,
and fill my stomach with butterflies and bees,
that so gently swarm.

I wish for you to bring me joy,
when everything seems so bad,
and take me out of this unhappy mood,
that makes me feel so sad.

I wish for you to give me back the memories
that brightened up my heart,
and let us share more of them,
because I do not understand
why we ever did part.

I wish for everything to be as it was,
having soft sleeps filled with dreams and hope tonight,
so that for every coming day there is a shine of light.

Does it have to end like this?
For I'm not back in your arms,
my dreams still torn,
my heart still empty,
my life with no happiness,
my day with no future without you.
The dream begins as you open the door,
the wonderful feeling too strong to ignore.
Do you remember? Are you feeling it too?
Are you also wondering what to do?

Not knowing what to say,
please speak first, I pray.
Remembering all the promises and lies,
remembering the hurt that never dies.

The words that I dare not utter are flooding me,
the real you is the you that I never did see.
You swore to me you would never let go,
how the hell was I supposed to know?

Nothing you said was ever true,
you still don't realize you make me so blue.
How hurtful it is to finally see,
that even now you don't understand me.
It was a sad and quiet night,
with words as my shade,
I wrote this poem to you,
hoping that the pain would fade.

Hoping that the pain would fade,
the pain I feel in me,
as each day passes by,
the time might set me free.

It was a sad and quiet night,
when I faced the hardest part,
cause I was all by myself,
with a broken heart.

It was a sad and quiet night,
with my head in hand,
when I learned to accept,
and how to understand.

Now I do understand,
that reality is pain,
which brought me tears,
and left me in the rain.

It was a sad and quiet night,
as my dreams went through,
I realize my mistake,
it was wrong to love you.
I'm here waiting
Impatiently, eyes full of tears,
The other day you said you loved me
You said it perfectly clear.

Now, today's a new day
And you're not here by my side,
Now everything you told me
Just feels like pain and lies.

You said you would be here forever
Was that just a lie, too?
You made promises you couldn't keep
I had all my faith in you.

You took off with my heart
And life inside your hands,
I'm left empty and incomplete
Why can't you understand.

You let me down
When my hopes were high,
I try to smile
But I always sigh.

I'm left alone
With all this pain and misery,
Your love is all I ask for
Why can't you see.

You loved me for who I was
Not for who I tried to be,
You were the best thing that ever happen to me
You'll always be inside of me.

We've been through too much
For you to push me away,
I'll always love you no matter what
It will never fade away.
Why is it
that we can never remain friends?
We were so close when we were together.
I thought of you as my best friend
but now that we are no longer a couple
it seems as if we've lost our trust,
our trust in each other and our love.
You say you want to be good friends,
but how can you think that I would hurt you
or tell your secrets
that you told me while we laid in each others arms
I wouldn't and couldn't ever hurt you
I can't be mad at you because it hurts to much
it hurts not to hear your voice
or not to see your face.
I miss you but I try to put you out of my mind
so that my heart won't ache anymore
I wish I didn't care so much.
I wish I didn't miss you
but I do
and I try to deny it
and I try to pretend I don't care
but I do
"No sleep last night,
too busy thinkin of you.
I was tryin to figure out how I could fix things,
but I can't.
You wouldn't want me to anyway,
so I guess I'll just have to stop loving you somehow.
And only love the memory of me actually thinking you cared.
*It hurt bad.
I shouldn't waste my tears, I know.
It's kind of too late to say that.
I've already unleashed thousands,
cuz every thought I ever had
was about you.
And every dream I ever wished
came true -
when you entered my life.
And now you're slowly disappearing,
so I didn't sleep last night. "
"*Next time you question me,
I'll take it offensively.
No more bein nice,
you should've thought twice
about hurtin me.
*Ima make you feel like I do,
if it's even possible for you.
Cuz I don't think you care about anything..
and you're not even aware
of any of the pain you put me through.
I wish I could say I don't love you,
but that would be lying,
and that's something I won't do.
Cuz I wouldn't wanna end up bein like you!
*Oh how I wish I could see tears
seep through your eyes,
but even that wouldn't be enough
to cover up the lies
you kept from me. "
"As my heart lies in broken pieces upon the ground,
You don't even know the pieces exist.
As my tears fall like liquid diamonds upon my cheeks,
You don't even feel the pain I am going through.
You don't even know about
The broken pieces of the heart that still loves you
And that always will.
As my voice echoes through the silent atmosphere,
You don't even hear the resounding cry.
As the mist swirls silently around me, chilling the tears,
You don't even care that I suffer the agony of lost love.
You wouldn't even look back
To see the pale face of the girl who loved you
And who always will. "
he played me like a blond
i was to busy faling for that smile
to ever notice what he was doing
well i was in total love he was well
lets say he wasent my friends
got me out but boy was i hurt
i still need him i tel my firends i am ok
and he is a jerk but that jerk has my heart
and well he was found someone new.
it hurts me inside to see them together
i am back where i started he played me for a blond!
i should have thought faster
i didnt have a clue
i was irrational and what not
but i should have came to you
the sad thing is, you came back
trying to bring me home
ur eyes were filled with so many tears
oh...now i feel so alone
why couldn't i look past the void
that kept us far apart
i couldn't find a way to forgive you
because u had broken my heart
and now it's all so different
we both changed a lot
u moved on and found a girl
it's like you just forgot
while im slowly punishing myself
for not figuring out why
and im completely lost and so confused
because i CANT say good bye"

3 comments:

zahida said...

All ur blogs are amazing specially the music in the background. u are very creative . . .

Saumya D'cunha said...

Faysal am truely speechless.. your use of words and the feeling of angst ,love and betrayal portrayed so beautifully, you truely are talented. you have a fan..

Taimur Pervez said...

So nice

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