Cannot go forward cannot go back

Cannot go forward cannot go back
Wishing that I could drop dead in my tracks.
I know I am leaving something behind,
And it is tearing my spirit inside.


Choices have always made me aware
Of contradictions in me - so unfair!
It seems that it all has to come down to me.
I wonder if someone my struggles can see?


Self-hatred, self-torment - familiar sight!
Alone, be alone, and from it all hide -
That's my first impulse that won't get me far.
Is that way for many, or is it my star?


Maybe I should have simply there stayed,
And prevented the so unknown fate
That chills me and makes me so scared.
Who knows how I would have otherwise faired?


But my life has passed in change after change,
Now in security I feel too strange,
And my restless heart does make me go on.
Moving and shifting is ever my song!